Different children require different parenting. CFP
许多中国家长都认为刻苦努力才能踏上成功之路。的确,不少中国家长都采用了严格的教育方式,希望自己的孩子成绩优异。
The idea of strict parents is certainly familiar to Sophia Chua-Rubenfeld, who posted 26 study tips on her personal blog in September. The 25-year-old had recently finished her postgraduate studies at Yale University in the United States. Her post raised discussions about the parenting skills of her mother, Amy Chua, a Chinese-American professor at Yale Law School.
严父严母对于索菲娅·蔡-鲁本菲尔德而言并不陌生,今年9月,她在个人博客上分享了26条学习心得。这位25岁的姑娘最近在美国耶鲁大学完成了研究生的学业。她的文章引发了人们对于其母、耶鲁大学法学院美籍华裔教授蔡美儿的教育方式的讨论。
Chua was given the nickname “Tiger Mom” for her book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, published in 2011, which includes the details of her strict parenting methods of raising her daughters.
蔡美儿因2011年出版《虎妈战歌》一书被称为“虎妈”,书中讲述了她对女儿严格的教育方式。
Because of the book, she became a household name overnight and was even listed in Time Magazine’s Top 100 most influential people in 2011.
她因这本书一夜成名,甚至在2011年入选《时代》周刊全球最具影响力人物100强。
Chua set strict standards for her two daughters, Sophia and Lulu. For example, in school, they weren’t allowed to make grades lower than A’s. They had to play the piano or violin and practice for several hours a day. There were no sleepovers, play dates or TV.
蔡美儿为两个女儿索菲娅和露露制定了严格的要求。比如,姐妹俩在校学习成绩不能低于A。她们每天都要花上几小时练习钢琴或者小提琴,不能在外过夜、约会或者看电视。
Chua’s parenting received wide criticism.
蔡美儿的教育方式受到了广泛批评。
“Children need their parents’ love and acceptance in order to develop real self-esteem. Belittling children sends the message that they are not worthy of love and support,” Lac Su, vice president of marketing for TalentSmart, a global think tank, wrote in CNN.
“孩子们需要家长的爱与包容,才能形成真正的自尊。轻视会让孩子们感到自己不值得被爱与支持,”全球智库TalentSmart的营销副总裁拉克·苏在CNN上写道。
Some even predicted that the two girls “couldn’t possibly be happy or truly creative. They’ll grow up skilled and compliant but without the audacity to be great,” according to The New York Times.
据《纽约时报》报道,一些人甚至预言两个女孩“或许并不快乐,也无法真正拥有创造力。她们长大后会有“技能傍身,顺从他人,却缺乏成功的胆量”。
However, seven years have passed and the girls have grown up. Both of them seem to lead a good life and are thankful about their mother. “People assume that tiger parenting would [lead to] low self-esteem because there isn’t that constant praise, but I think I [have got] a lot more confidence than some others, because my confidence is earned,” Lulu told New York Post. “[My mom] gave me the tools to drive my own confidence.”
然而七年过去,女孩们也长大了。两人看起来都过得不错,并且对母亲心存感激。“人们认为虎妈式教育会导致孩子自卑,因为家长不会常常表扬孩子。但我认为我比一些人更自信,因为我自己赢来了自信,”露露在接受《纽约邮报》采访时表示。“(我妈妈)给予了我激发自信的工具。”
Still, not everyone agrees with this. “Instead of motivating my children to achieve high grades, my dream is that, in the future, we can just sit together after dinner and have a family concert and enjoy the music,” Mike Wang, a Chinese parent with a 14-year-old daughter who lives in London, told China Daily.
但并非所有人都同意这一点。“我的梦想不是让孩子得高分,而是将来我们能在晚饭后一起坐下来,开个家庭音乐会一起欣赏音乐,”一位现居伦敦,14岁女孩的中国家长迈克·王在接受《中国日报》采访时如此表示。
Each child may just fit different parenting. As Gu Jun, a professor from Shanghai University put it, “No child is perfect, and parents don’t have to make their parenting perfect.”
每个孩子所适用的教育方式或许都有所不同。正如上海大学教授顾骏所言,“没有一个孩子是完美的,家长没必要把自己的教育塑造得无可挑剔。”