After I gave a talk on the subject of happiness, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "I wish my husband had come." "Much as I loved him," she explained, "it wasn't easy being married to someone so unhappy." This woman enabled me to put into words what I had been searching for -- altruistic, as well as the personal, reasons for taking happiness seriously. I told her that each of us owes it to our spouse, our children, our friends to be as happy as we can.
I was not a particularly happy child, and like most teenagers, I took pleasure in my anguish. One day, however, it occurred to me that I was taking the easy way out. Anyone could be unhappy; it took no courage and effort. True achievement lay in struggling to be happy. The notion that we have to work at happiness comes as news to many people. We assume it's a feeling that comes as a result of good things that just happen to us, things over which we have little or no control. But the opposite is true: happiness is largely under our control. It is a battle to be fought and not a feeling to be awaited. To achieve a happy life, it's necessary to overcome some stumbling blocks, three of which are:
Comparison with Others
Most of us compare ourselves with anyone we think is happier -- a relative, an acquaintance or, often someone we barely know. I once met a young man who struck me as particularly successful and happy. He spoke of his love for his beautiful wife and their three daughters, and of his joy at being a radio talk-show host in a city he loved. I remember thinking that he was one of those lucky few for whom everything goes effortlessly right. Then we started talking
Noteacquaintance: n. 熟人 sclerosis: n. 硬化症
Images of Perfection
Almost all of us have images of how life should be. The problem, of course, is that only rarely do people's jobs, spouses and children live up to these imagined ideals. Here's a personal example: no one in my family had ever divorced. I assumed that marriage was for life. So when my wife and I divorced after five years of marriage and three years after the birth of our son, my world collapsed. I was a failure in my own eyes. I later remarried and confided to my wife that I couldn't shake the feeling that my family life had failed. She asked me what was wrong with our family now(which included her daughter from a previous marriage and my son). I had to admit that, aside from the pain of being with my son only half the time(my ex-wife and I shared custody), our family life was wonderful. " Then why don' t you celebrate it?" she asked. That' s what I decided to do. But first I had to get rid of a "perfect" family.
"Missing Tile" Syndrome
One effective way of destroying happiness is to look at something and focus on even the smallest flaw. It's like looking at the tiled ceiling and concentrating on the space where one tile is missing. As a bald man told me, "whenever I enter a room, all I see is hair. " Once you've determined what your missing tile is, explore whether acquiring it will really make you happy. Then do one of the three things: get it, replace it with a different tile, or forget
We all know people who have had a relatively easy life yet are essentially unhappy. And we know people who have suffered a great deal but generally remain happy.
The first secret is gratitude. All happy people are grateful. Ungrateful people cannot be happy. We tend to think that being unhappy leads people to complain, but it's truer to say that complaining leads to people becoming unhappy.
The second secret is realizing that happiness is a byproduct of something else. The most obvious sources are those pursuits that give our lives purpose -- anything from studying insects to playing baseball. The more passions we have, the more happiness we are likely to experience. Finally, the belief that something permanent transcends us and that our existence has some larger meaning can help us be happier. We need a spiritual faith, or a philosophy of life. Whatever your philosophy, it should include this truism: if you choose to find the positive in virtually every situation, you will be blessed, and if you choose to find the awful, you will be cursed. As with happiness itself, this is largely your decision to make.
相关单词：altruistic
altruistic解释：adj.无私的，为他人着想的
altruistic例句：
It is superficial to be altruistic without feeling compassion.无慈悲之心却说利他，是为表面。
Altruistic spirit should be cultivated by us vigorously.利他的精神是我们应该努力培养的。
相关单词：spouse
spouse解释：n.配偶(指夫或妻)
spouse例句：
Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么？
相关单词：anguish
anguish解释：n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼
anguish例句：
She cried out for anguish at parting.分手时，她由于痛苦而失声大哭。
The unspeakable anguish wrung his heart.难言的痛苦折磨着他的心。
相关单词：spoke
spoke解释：n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说
spoke例句：
They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。
相关单词：afflicting
afflicting解释：痛苦的
afflicting例句：
Violent crime is only one of the maladies afflicting modern society. 暴力犯罪仅仅是困扰现代社会的严重问题之一。
Violent crime is only one of the maladies afflicting modern society. 暴力犯罪仅仅是危害社会的弊病之一。
相关单词：spouses
spouses解释：n.配偶，夫或妻( spouse的名词复数 )
spouses例句：
Jobs are available for spouses on campus and in the community. 校园里和社区里有配偶可做的工作。 来自辞典例句
An astonishing number of spouses-most particularly in the upper-income brackets-have no close notion of their husbands'paychecks. 相当大一部分妇女——特别在高收入阶层——并不很了解他们丈夫的薪金。 来自辞典例句
相关单词：collapse
collapse解释：vi.累倒；昏倒；倒塌；塌陷
collapse例句：
The country's economy is on the verge of collapse.国家的经济已到了崩溃的边缘。
The engineer made a complete diagnosis of the bridge's collapse.工程师对桥的倒塌做了一次彻底的调查分析。
相关单词：collapsed
collapsed解释：adj.倒塌的
collapsed例句：
Jack collapsed in agony on the floor. 杰克十分痛苦地瘫倒在地板上。
The roof collapsed under the weight of snow. 房顶在雪的重压下突然坍塌下来。
相关单词：confided
confided解释：v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等）
confided例句：
She confided all her secrets to her best friend. 她向她最要好的朋友倾吐了自己所有的秘密。
He confided to me that he had spent five years in prison. 他私下向我透露，他蹲过五年监狱。 来自《简明英汉词典》
相关单词：decided
decided解释：adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的
decided例句：
This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。
相关单词：determined
determined解释：adj.坚定的；有决心的
determined例句：
I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。
相关单词：relatively
relatively解释：adv.比较...地，相对地
relatively例句：
The rabbit is a relatively recent introduction in Australia.兔子是相对较新引入澳大利亚的物种。
The operation was relatively painless.手术相对来说不痛。
相关单词：essentially
essentially解释：adv.本质上，实质上，基本上
essentially例句：
Really great men are essentially modest.真正的伟人大都很谦虚。
She is an essentially selfish person.她本质上是个自私自利的人。
相关单词：gratitude
gratitude解释：adj.感激，感谢
gratitude例句：
I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。
相关单词：transcends
transcends解释：超出或超越（经验、信念、描写能力等）的范围( transcend的第三人称单数 )； 优于或胜过…
transcends例句：
The chemical dilution technique transcends most of the difficulties. 化学稀释法能克服大部分困难。
The genius of Shakespeare transcends that of all other English poets. 莎士比亚的才华胜过所有的其他英国诗人。
