Loving with an Open Hand
放爱一条生路
The other day as I talked with a friend I recalled a story that I heard this summer. "A compassionate person, seeing a butterfly struggling to free itself from its cocoon, and wanting to help, very gently loosened the filaments to form an opening. The butterfly was freed, emerged from the cocoon, and fluttered
前几天和一位朋友闲聊时，我想起今年夏天听到的一个故事：“有个人很富有同情心，看到一只蝴蝶拼命挣扎想冲破茧的束缚，就帮了个忙，轻轻地解开茧丝使其露出一个缺口。蝴蝶得到解放，从茧中出来振翅欲飞，然而却飞不起来。这位富有同情心的人所不知道的是，只有经过挣扎破茧而出，翅膀才能变得强壮，可以飞翔。这只蝴蝶短暂的生命只能在地上度过了，它从未尝过自由的滋味，没有真正享受过生活。”
I call it learning to love with an open hand. It is a learning which has come slowly to me and has been wrought in the fires of pain and in the waters of patience. I am learning that I must free the one I love, for if I clutch or cling, try to control, I lose what I try to hold.
我把它叫做学会放爱一条生路。这个教训经历了痛苦的锻造和耐心的洗礼，我才逐渐认识到。我学会了必须给所爱的人自由，如果我抓得太紧、紧握不放、设法控制，结果可能会失去他们。
If I try to change someone I love because I feel I know how that person should be, I rob him or her of a precious right, the right to take responsibility for one's own life and choices and way of being. Whenever I impose my wish or want or try to exert power over another, I rob him or her of the full realization of growth and maturation. I limit and prevent by my act of possession, no matter how kind my intention.
如果我试图改变所爱的人，仅仅因为我觉得他/她应该这样，就等于是掠夺了他/她的一项珍贵的权利，即他/她对自己生命的责任权和生活方式的选择权。无论何时我把自己的意志和权力强加给别人，都会导致他/她无法完全成长和成熟。无论我的意图多么善良，我的控制行为还是限制和阻碍了他们。
I can limit and injure by the kindest acts of protection or concern. Over extended it can say to the other person more eloquently than words, "You are unable to care for yourself; I must take care of you because you are mine. I am responsible for you."
即使保护或关心这种最善意的行为也会限制和伤害别人。“你无法照顾自己，我必须照顾你，因为你是我的，我要对你负责。”对别人说这么动人的语言远远超越了你的权力。
As I learn and practice more and more, I can say to the one I love: "I love you, I value you, I respect you and I trust that you have the strength to become all that it is possible for you to become — if I don't get in your way. I love you so much that I can set you free to walk beside me in joy and in sadness. I will share your tears but I will not ask you not to cry. I will respond to your needs. I will care and comfort you, but I will not hold you up when you can walk alone. I will stand ready to be with you in your grief and loneliness but I will not take it away from you. I will strive to listen to your meaning as well as your word, but I shall not always agree. Sometimes I will be angry and when I am, I will try to tell you openly so that I need not hate our differences or feel estranged. I can not always be with you or hear what you say for there are times when I must listen to myself and care for myself, and when that happens I will be as honest with you as I can be."
随着我学习和锻炼的增多，现在我会这样告诉我爱的人：“我爱你、珍惜你、尊重你，我相信你有足够的实力发展成为你想要成为的人——如果我不阻碍你的话。我是那么爱你，所以我给你自由，和我共享欢乐与悲伤。我会和你一起流泪，但我不会要求你停止哭泣。我会满足你的需要，关心你、安慰你，但在你能够独立行走时我不会阻挡你。我会时刻准备好，在你悲伤和孤独时站到你身边，但我不会把你的悲伤和孤独带走。我会尽力理解你的话语及其中涵义，但不会总是赞同。有时我会生气，当我生气时，我会尽量坦率地告诉你，这样我就不会对我们之间的分歧怀恨于心，产生疏远的感觉。我无法时刻与你在一起，或者听你诉说，因为有时我需要倾听自己，关心自己，当这些发生时，我会尽量告诉你。”
I am learning to say this, whether it be in words or in my way of being with others and myself, to those I love and for whom I care. And this I call loving with an open hand.
对于那些我所爱和所关心的人，我正在学习这样表达，无论是用语言，还是用我对待他人及自己的方式，我把这种方式叫做放爱一条生路。
I cannot always keep my hands off the cocoon, but I am getting better at it!
我不会总把双手从茧的身旁移开，但我正在逐渐进步！
相关单词：compassionate
compassionate解释：adj.有同情心的，表示同情的
compassionate例句：
She is a compassionate person.她是一个有同情心的人。
The compassionate judge gave the young offender a light sentence.慈悲的法官从轻判处了那个年轻罪犯。
相关单词：cocoon
cocoon解释：n.茧
cocoon例句：
A cocoon is a kind of silk covering made by an insect.蚕茧是由昆虫制造的一种由丝组成的外包层。
The beautiful butterfly emerged from the cocoon.美丽的蝴蝶自茧中出现。
相关单词：filaments
filaments解释：n.（电灯泡的）灯丝( filament的名词复数 )；丝极；细丝；丝状物
filaments例句：
Instead, sarcomere shortening occurs when the thin filaments'slide\" by the thick filaments. 此外，肌节的缩短发生于细肌丝沿粗肌丝“滑行”之际。 来自辞典例句
Wetting-force data on filaments of any diameter and shape can easily obtained. 各种直径和形状的长丝的润湿力数据是易于测量的。 来自辞典例句
相关单词：wrought
wrought解释：v.引起；以…原料制作；运转；adj.制造的
wrought例句：
Events in Paris wrought a change in British opinion towards France and Germany.巴黎发生的事件改变了英国对法国和德国的看法。
It's a walking stick with a gold head wrought in the form of a flower.那是一个金质花形包头的拐杖。
相关单词：realization
realization解释：n.实现；认识到，深刻了解
realization例句：
We shall gladly lend every effort in our power toward its realization.我们将乐意为它的实现而竭尽全力。
He came to the realization that he would never make a good teacher.他逐渐认识到自己永远不会成为好老师。
相关单词：eloquently
eloquently解释：adv. 雄辩地(有口才地, 富于表情地)
eloquently例句：
I was toasted by him most eloquently at the dinner. 进餐时他口若悬河地向我祝酒。
The poet eloquently expresses the sense of lost innocence. 诗人动人地表达了失去天真的感觉。
相关单词：estranged
estranged解释：adj.疏远的，分离的
estranged例句：
He became estranged from his family after the argument.那场争吵后他便与家人疏远了。
The argument estranged him from his brother.争吵使他同他的兄弟之间的关系疏远了。
