Just Listen

I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it's given from the heart. When people are talking, there's no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they're saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it. Most of us don't value ourselves or our love enough to know this. It has taken me along time to believe in the power of simple saying, "I'm so sorry," when someone is in pain. And meaning it.
One of my patients told me that when she tried to tell her story people often interrupted to tell her that they once had something just like that happen to them. Then her pain became a story about themselves. Eventually she stopped talking to most people. It was just too lonely. We connect through listening. When we interrupt what someone is saying to let them know that we understand, we move the focus of attention to ourselves. When we listen, they know we care. Many people with cancer can talk about the relief ,of having someone just listen.

I have even learned to respond to someone crying by just listening. In the old days I used to reach for伸手去拿 the tissues组织，面巾纸 until I realized that passing a person a tissue may be just another way to shut them down, to take them out of their experience of sadness and grief. Now I just listen. When they have cried all they need to cry, they find me there with them.

This simple thing has not been that easy to learn. It certainly went against everything I had been taught since I was very young. I thought people listened only because they were too timid羞怯的，胆小的 to speak or did not know the answer. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well intentioned出于意向的，有企图的 words.

相关单词：learned

learned解释：adj.有学问的，博学的；learn的过去式和过去分词

learned例句：

He went into a rage when he learned about it.他听到这事后勃然大怒。

In this little village,he passed for a learned man.在这个小村子里，他被视为有学问的人。

相关单词：tissue

tissue解释：n.组织；薄纱，薄纸，手巾纸

tissue例句：

As we age we lose muscle tissue.肌肉组织会随着我们日趋衰老而萎缩。

Athletes have hardly any fatty tissue.运动员几乎没有什么脂肪组织。

相关单词：tissues

tissues解释：n.组织( tissue的名词复数 )；薄纸；棉纸；一套

tissues例句：

The teacher showed the students the pictures of brain tissues. 老师给学生们看脑组织的图片。 来自《简明英汉词典》

Give some face tissues to me. 给我些面巾纸。 来自《简明英汉词典》

相关单词：grief

grief解释：n.悲伤，悲痛，悲伤的事，悲痛的缘由

grief例句：

Don't allow yourself to sink into grief,it can do no good.不要使自己陷入悲哀之中，这样一点好处也没有。

After her mother died,she abandoned herself to grief.母亲死后，她沉浸于悲痛之中。

相关单词：timid

timid解释：adj.胆怯的，害羞的

timid例句：

The rabbit is timid and suspicious.兔子胆小而多疑。

He was timid about investing money.他不敢投资。

相关单词：heal

heal解释：v.使愈合，治愈，使康复；平息(争吵等)；消除，解决(分支等)

heal例句：

Time helped heal the old wounds.时间有助于治愈旧创伤。

This wound will soon heal if yon keep it clean.如果你保持伤口清洁，它很快就会痊愈。