那天晚上我第一次独自躺在我们的床上，Ilaria睡在婴儿床里，我对你说：“乔安妮，你应该在我身边，我需要你。”我是如此渴望你当时能躺在我身旁。
等她慢慢长大，我会让她了解你，比如我会试着做一些你会做给Ilaria吃的东西，让我们漂亮的Ilaria了解她妈妈，即使她不记得你……
When Christian Spragg’s wife Joanne gave birth they were full of excitement… until she died just hours later. In a moving letter, Christian tells why he'll make sure their daughter Ilaria knows all
My darling Joanne,
I still remember the conversation we had just a month before our baby daughter Ilaria was born.
Out of the blue突然地，意外地 you asked me how I'd look after her if anything happened to you. I remember telling you not to be silly but you were serious. "I'd just want you to tell her often how much her mummy loved her," you said.
"And to tell her what sort of person I was. And make sure she's clean and tidy and eats her vegetables!" Now I'm so glad we had that conversation. And I hope I've done things as you wanted.
I just wish with all my heart that you were here to enjoy all the special moments we've shared since you were taken from us.
The memories of our time together are so treasured for me now.
You used to laugh when I said I fell in love with you the moment we met but I did. I saw you in a nightclub and finally gathered the courage to ask if you'd like a drink. I couldn't believe my luck when you said yes.
I asked you to be my wife in Venice.
We splashed out大手大脚地花钱 on a gondola两头尖的平底船 ride, giggling傻笑 to ourselves. I remember you tilted your head up to the sun and told me that this was one of the best days of your life. And when you walked down the aisle通道，走道 I knew I'd married my soulmate, "the one".
When we found out you were pregnant we were ecstatic狂喜的 and soon we discovered it was a girl and spent the months running up to the birth getting the nursery ready.
Every time our baby kicked you'd grab my hand, put it on your tummy胃，肚子 and say, "Can you feel her Christian? She's so lively!"
You wanted to call our daughter Ilaria after a family friend you'd met in Venice. You found out that in Latin it meant "always happy."
We saw Ilaria before she was born. We had a 3D scan where you can see your baby's face – she was beautiful.
I am so thankful we did that now. When you went two weeks past your due date the hospital near our home in Bolton wanted to induce you. It's hard for me to think straight
When Ilaria was ready to come the midwife助产士 told you to push but Ilaria's heartbeat dropped – she was in distress遇难，在困境中.
You looked at me in terror as we were surrounded by doctors trying to get Ilaria out. When she was born she was blue and nurses rushed her to the special care baby unit. You screamed, "Is she OK?" and all I could say was, "Yes, she's beautiful, just like you."
It breaks my heart you never even saw your daughter, let alone更不必说 held her. Then your heart rate started going up and your blood pressure started going down. Doctors said they had to get you into theatre straight away.
As they wheeled you out I grabbed your foot and said "I love you". It was the last time I saw you alive.
Minutes later a doctor took me aside and told me Ilaria was showing signs of major brain damage and they didn't expect her to live. I didn't know which of you to turn to first.
I went to see Ilaria in her incubator早产儿保育器. Half an hour later doctors told me the news that would change my life forever. There had been massive bleeding and as they tried to operate you'd had a cardiac arrest心搏停止.
My world fell apart. I remember shouting, "Why?"
You were just 27, healthy as can be, and now you were gone. An aneurysm动脉瘤 had caused the bleeding.
No-one could have foreseen it, the doctors did all they could. In the chapel of rest you looked like you were sleeping peacefully. I kissed your face and stroked your hair as I sobbed.
I felt totally lost. Then a nurse came to find me and said something amazing had happened and led me to Ilaria. She'd pulled all the tubes out of her chest and nose and was breathing on her own. The nurses said it was a miracle.
It seemed our Ilaria was determined to stay alive. A nurse laid her in my arms and she began to cry. "Don't worry, Daddy's here," I told her, and she immediately stopped crying.
Our daughter was going to live.
It was as if you'd said, "God, you can have me, but you're not having my daughter."
Suddenly, from feeling I had nothing left to live for, I had Ilaria. I changed her first nappy尿布, gave her her first bottle – I thought
But then it was back to the terrible reality – your funeral.
Four hundred people attended as the vicar教区牧师 who'd married us buried you just three years later.
And then, two days later I brought Ilaria home from the hospital.
That first night I lay in our bed, Ilaria beside me in her cot轻便小床 and I talked to you. "Jo, you should be here, I need you," I said. I so desperately wished you were lying beside me.
I spent my days in tears. At night I'd lay Ilaria next to me and tell her
Photos of you were all over the house and I'd hold Ilaria close to them so she could see you.
And as she gets older, I do other things to bring you into her life. I try to cook things I know you'd have made to make our beautiful Ilaria know her mum, even if she doesn't remember you.
I hope you can hear me when I say: "I miss you Joanne but thank you for our wonderful daughter." I just wish you were here to enjoy her.
When Ilaria was a year old she was diagnosed with cerebral palsy大脑性麻痹 which means she is unlikely to walk. She'll never speak properly and will require constant care. That's when I pulled myself together. I needed to, to give Ilaria the best life I can.
Although it's hard it's wonderful too, we're like two little mates. She's nearly four now and looks just like you.
And what a personality. Although she can only say a few words – "Hiya!" is her favourite – she gives me so much love and affection. She's a real cheeky无耻的，厚脸皮的 little thing, and can wrap me right round her little finger.
I gave up my job as an area sales manager so that I could devote my time to Ilaria. Every morning she attends Rainbow House, where they specialise in helping children like her.
Every time I look at her I get comfort because she's a living part of you Joanne, your legacy.
I just want you to know that whatever happens I will bring up Ilaria in a way you would have been proud of – and she will always know how special her mummy was.
I love you my darling,
Christian
相关单词：Christian
Christian解释：adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒
Christian例句：
They always addressed each other by their Christian name.他们总是以教名互相称呼。
His mother is a sincere Christian.他母亲是个虔诚的基督教徒。
相关单词：gondola
gondola解释：n.威尼斯的平底轻舟；飞船的吊船
gondola例句：
The road is too narrow to allow the passage of gondola.这条街太窄大型货车不能通过。
I have a gondola here.我开来了一条平底船。
相关单词：giggling
giggling解释：v.咯咯地笑( giggle的现在分词 )
giggling例句：
We just sat there giggling like naughty schoolchildren. 我们只是坐在那儿像调皮的小学生一样的咯咯地傻笑。 来自《简明英汉词典》
I can't stand her giggling, she's so silly. 她吃吃地笑，叫我真受不了，那样子傻透了。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
相关单词：tilted
tilted解释：v. 倾斜的
tilted例句：
Suddenly the boat tilted to one side. 小船突然倾向一侧。
She tilted her chin at him defiantly. 她向他翘起下巴表示挑衅。
相关单词：aisle
aisle解释：n.（教堂、教室、戏院等里的）过道，通道
aisle例句：
The aisle was crammed with people.过道上挤满了人。
The girl ushered me along the aisle to my seat.引座小姐带领我沿着通道到我的座位上去。
相关单词：chapel
chapel解释：n.小教堂，殡仪馆
chapel例句：
The nimble hero,skipped into a chapel that stood near.敏捷的英雄跳进近旁的一座小教堂里。
She was on the peak that Sunday afternoon when she played in chapel.那个星期天的下午，她在小教堂的演出，可以说是登峰造极。
相关单词：sobbed
sobbed解释：哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说
sobbed例句：
She sobbed out the story of her son's death. 她哭诉着她儿子的死。
She sobbed out the sad story of her son's death. 她哽咽着诉说她儿子死去的悲惨经过。
相关单词：determined
determined解释：adj.坚定的；有决心的
determined例句：
I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。
相关单词：desperately
desperately解释：adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地
desperately例句：
He was desperately seeking a way to see her again.他正拼命想办法再见她一面。
He longed desperately to be back at home.他非常渴望回家。
相关单词：cerebral
cerebral解释：adj.脑的，大脑的；有智力的，理智型的
cerebral例句：
Your left cerebral hemisphere controls the right-hand side of your body.你的左半脑控制身体的右半身。
He is a precise,methodical,cerebral man who carefully chooses his words.他是一个一丝不苟、有条理和理智的人，措辞谨慎。
相关单词：helping
helping解释：n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的
helping例句：
The poor children regularly pony up for a second helping of my hamburger. 那些可怜的孩子们总是要求我把我的汉堡包再给他们一份。
By doing this, they may at times be helping to restore competition. 这样一来, 他在某些时候,有助于竞争的加强。
相关单词：legacy
legacy解释：n.遗产，遗赠；先人(或过去)留下的东西
legacy例句：
They are the most precious cultural legacy our forefathers left.它们是我们祖先留下来的最宝贵的文化遗产。
He thinks the legacy is a gift from the Gods.他认为这笔遗产是天赐之物。
