The day my fiancé fell to his death, it started to snow, just like any November day, just like the bottom hadn't fallen out of my world when he freefell off the roof. His body, when I found it, was lightly covered with snow. It snowed almost every day for the next four months, while I sat on the couch and watched it pile up. One morning, I shuffled downstairs and was startled to see a snowplow（雪犁，扫雪机） clearing my driveway and the bent back of a woman shoveling（铲） my walk. I dropped to my knees, crawled through the living room, and back upstairs so those good Samaritans would not see me. I was mortified（窘迫的） . My first thought was, how would I ever repay them? I didn't have the strength to brush my hair let alone shovel someone's walk.
Before Jon's death, I took pride in the fact that I rarely asked for help or favors. I defined myself by my competence and independence. So who was I if I was no longer capable and busy? How could I respect myself if all I did was sit on the couch everyday and watch the snow fall?
Learning how to receive the love and support that came my way wasn't easy. Friends cooked for me and I cried because I couldn't even help them set the table. "I'm not usually this lazy," I wailed. Finally, my friend Kathy sat down with me and said, "Mary, cooking for you is not a chore. I love you and I want to do it. It makes me feel good to be able to do something for you."
Over and over, I heard similar sentiments（感情，情绪） from the people who supported me during those dark days. One very wise man told me, "You are not doing nothing. Being fully open to your grief may be the hardest work you will ever do."
I am not the person I once was, but in many ways I have changed for the better. The fabric of my life is now woven with gratitude（感谢的心情） and humility. I have been surprised to learn that there is incredible freedom that comes from facing one's worst fear and walking away whole. I believe there is strength in surrender.
相关单词：shuffled
shuffled解释：v.洗（纸牌）( shuffle的过去式和过去分词 )；拖着脚步走；粗心地做；摆脱尘世的烦恼
shuffled例句：
He shuffled across the room to the window. 他拖着脚走到房间那头的窗户跟前。
Simon shuffled awkwardly towards them. 西蒙笨拙地拖着脚朝他们走去。 来自《简明英汉词典》
相关单词：bent
bent解释：n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的
bent例句：
He was fully bent upon the project.他一心扑在这项计划上。
We bent over backward to help them.我们尽了最大努力帮助他们。
相关单词：shovel
shovel解释：n.铁锨，铲子，一铲之量；v.铲，铲出
shovel例句：
He was working with a pick and shovel.他在用镐和铲干活。
He seized a shovel and set to.他拿起一把铲就干上了。
相关单词：mortified
mortified解释：v.使受辱( mortify的过去式和过去分词 )；伤害（人的感情）；克制；抑制（肉体、情感等）
mortified例句：
She was mortified to realize he had heard every word she said. 她意识到自己的每句话都被他听到了，直羞得无地自容。
The knowledge of future evils mortified the present felicities. 对未来苦难的了解压抑了目前的喜悦。 来自《简明英汉词典》
相关单词：competence
competence解释：n.能力，胜任，称职
competence例句：
This mess is a poor reflection on his competence.这种混乱情况说明他难当此任。
These are matters within the competence of the court.这些是法院权限以内的事。
相关单词：wailed
wailed解释：v.哭叫，哀号( wail的过去式和过去分词 )
wailed例句：
She wailed over her father's remains. 她对着父亲的遗体嚎啕大哭。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
The women of the town wailed over the war victims. 城里的妇女为战争的死难者们痛哭。 来自辞典例句
相关单词：fully
fully解释：adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地
fully例句：
The doctor asked me to breathe in,then to breathe out fully.医生让我先吸气，然后全部呼出。
They soon became fully integrated into the local community.他们很快就完全融入了当地人的圈子。
相关单词：fabric
fabric解释：n.织物，织品，布；构造，结构，组织
fabric例句：
The fabric will spot easily.这种织品很容易玷污。
I don't like the pattern on the fabric.我不喜欢那块布料上的图案。
相关单词：gratitude
gratitude解释：adj.感激，感谢
gratitude例句：
I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。
相关单词：humility
humility解释：n.谦逊，谦恭
humility例句：
Humility often gains more than pride.谦逊往往比骄傲收益更多。
His voice was still soft and filled with specious humility.他的声音还是那么温和，甚至有点谦卑。
