PLEASE, God, let him telephone me now. Dear God, let him call me now. I won't ask anything else of You, truly I won't. It isn't very much to ask. It would be so little to You, God, such a little, little thing. Only let him telephone now. Please, God. Please, please, please.
If I didn't think
This is the last time I'll look at the clock. I will not look at it again. It's ten minutes past seven. He said he would telephone at five o'clock. "I'll call you at five, darling." I think that's where he said "darling." I'm almost sure he said it there. I know he called me "darling" twice, and the other time was when he said good-bye. "Good-bye, darling." He was busy, and he can't say much in the office, but he called me "darling" twice. He couldn't have minded my calling him up. I know you shouldn't keep telephoning them ?I know they don't like that. When you do that they know you are thinking
He didn't have to say that. I didn't ask him to, truly I didn't. I'm sure I didn't. I don't think he would say he'd telephone me, and then just never do it. Please don't let him do that, God. Please don't.
"I'll call you at five, darling." "Good-bye, darling." He was busy, and he was in a hurry, and there were people around him, but he called me "darling" twice. That's mine, that's mine. I have that, even if I never see him again. Oh, but that's so little. That isn't enough. Nothing's enough, if I never see him again. Please let me see him again, God. Please, I want him so much. I want him so much. I'll be good, God. I will try to be better, I will, If you will let me see him again. If You will let him telephone me. Oh, let him telephone me now.
Ah, don't let my prayer seem too little to You, God. You sit up there, so white and old, with all the angels
I must stop this. I mustn't be this way. Look. Suppose a young man says he'll call a girl up, and then something happens, and he doesn't. That isn't so terrible, is it? Why, it's going on all over the world, right this minute. Oh, what do I care what's going on all over the world? Why can't that telephone ring? Why can't it, why can't it? Couldn't you ring? Ah, please, couldn't you? You damned, ugly, shiny thing. It would hurt you to ring, wouldn't it? Oh, that would hurt you. Damn you, I'll pull your filthy roots out of the wall, I'll smash your smug black face in little bits.7 Damn you to hell.
No, no, no. I must stop. I must think
I think he must still like me a little. He couldn't have called me "darling" twice today, if he didn't still like me a little. It isn't all gone, if he still likes me a little; even if it's only a little, little bit. You see, God, if You would just let him telephone me, I wouldn't have to ask You anything more. I would be sweet to him, I would be gay, I would be just the way I used to be, and then he would love me again. And then I would never have to ask You for anything more. Don't You see, God? So won't You please let him telephone me? Won't You please, please, please?#p#分页标题#e#
Are You punishing me, God, because I've been bad? Are You angry with me because I did that? Oh, but, God, there are so many bad people ?You could not be hard only to me. And it wasn't very bad; it couldn't have been bad. We didn't hurt anybody, God. Things are only bad when they hurt people. We didn't hurt one single soul; You know that. You know it wasn't bad, don't You, God?So won't You let him telephone me now?
If he doesn't telephone me, I'll know God is angry with me. I'll count five hundred by fives, and if he hasn't called me then, I will know God isn't going to help me, ever again. That will be the sign. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five, forty, forty-five, fifty, fifty-five... It was bad. I knew it was bad. All right, God, send me to hell. You think You're frightening me with Your hell, don't You? You think. Your hell is worse than mine.
I mustn't. I mustn't do this. Suppose he's a little late calling me up ?that's nothing to get hysterical
He doesn't wish that
Maybe that's what he is doing. Maybe he is coming on here without calling me up. Maybe he's on his way now. Something might have happened to him. No, nothing could ever happen to him. I can't picture anything happening to him. I never picture him run over. I never see him lying still and long and dead. I wish he were dead. That's a terrible wish. That's a lovely wish. If he were dead, he would be mine. If he were dead, I would never think of now and the last few weeks. I would remember only the lovely times. It would be all beautiful. I wish he were dead. I wish he were dead, dead, dead.
This is silly. It's silly to go wishing people were dead just because they don't call you up the very minute they said they would. Maybe the clock's fast; I don't know whether it's right. Maybe he's hardly late at all. Anything could have made him a little late. Maybe he had to stay at his office. Maybe he went home, to call me up from there, and somebody came in. He doesn't like to telephone me in front of people. Maybe he's worried, just a little, little bit,
I mustn't. I mustn't, I mustn't. Oh, God, please don't let me telephone him. Please keep me from doing that. I know, God, just as well as You do, that if he were worried
I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you. I should think it would be so sweet to be sure.
It would be so easy to telephone him. Then I'd know. Maybe it wouldn't be a foolish thing to do. Maybe he wouldn't mind. Maybe he'd like it. Maybe he has been trying to get me. Sometimes people try and try to get you on the telephone, and they say the number doesn't answer. I'm not just saying that to help myself; that really happens. You know that really happens, God. Oh, God, keep me away from that telephone. Keep me away. Let me still have just a little bit of pride. I think I'm going to need it, God. I think it will be all I'll have.
Oh, what does pride matter, when I can't stand it if I don't talk to him? Pride like that is such a silly, shabby little thing. The real pride, the big pride, is in having no pride. I'm not saying that just because I want to call him. I am not. That's true, I know that's true. I will be big. I will be beyond little prides.#p#分页标题#e#
Please, God, keep me from, telephoning him. Please, God.
I don't see what pride has to do with it. This is such a little thing, for me to be bringing in pride, for me to be making such a fuss
I'll think
I won't. I'll be quiet. This is nothing to get excited
God, aren't You really going to let him call me? Are You sure, God? Couldn't You please relent? Couldn't You? I don't even ask You to let him telephone me this minute, God; only let him do it in a little while. I'll count five hundred by fives. I'll do it so slowly and so fairly. If he hasn't telephoned then, I'll call him. I will. Oh, please, dear God, dear kind God, my blessed Father in Heaven, let him call before then. Please, God. Please.
Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five....
相关单词:swirling
swirling解释:v.旋转,打旋( swirl的现在分词 )
swirling例句:
Snowflakes were swirling in the air. 天空飘洒着雪花。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
She smiled, swirling the wine in her glass. 她微笑着,旋动着杯子里的葡萄酒。 来自辞典例句
相关单词:damn
damn解释:int.该死,他妈的;vt.指责,贬斥,诅咒
damn例句:
Damn this useless typewriter!这台破打字机真该死!
I knew damn well what he was going to say.我非常清楚他要说什么。
相关单词:damned
damned解释:a.该死的;打入地狱的
damned例句:
The play was damned by the reviewers. 这部戏被评论家们批评得一无是处。
She damned herself with one stupid remark. 她被自己的一句蠢话毁了。
相关单词:filthy
filthy解释:adj.卑劣的;恶劣的,肮脏的
filthy例句:
The whole river has been fouled up with filthy waste from factories.整条河都被工厂的污秽废物污染了。
You really should throw out that filthy old sofa and get a new one.你真的应该扔掉那张肮脏的旧沙发,然后再去买张新的。
相关单词:smash
smash解释:v.粉碎,打碎;n.轰动的演出,巨大的成功
smash例句:
We heard the smash of plates breaking in the kitchen.我们听到厨房里盘子破碎的声音。
The gifted author wrote one smash after another.这个天才作家创作了一篇又一篇轰动一时的作品。
相关单词:hysterical
hysterical解释:adj.情绪异常激动的,歇斯底里般的
hysterical例句:
He is hysterical at the sight of the photo.他一看到那张照片就异常激动。
His hysterical laughter made everybody stunned.他那歇斯底里的笑声使所有的人不知所措。
相关单词:tread
tread解释:vi.踩;行走;vt.踩烂(出);n.胎面,脚步声
tread例句:
A policeman walked by with a slow,measured tread.一名警察迈着小心的步子慢慢走过。
We heard father's tread on the steps.我们听到台阶上父亲的脚步声。
相关单词:exacting
exacting解释:adj.苛求的,要求严格的
exacting例句:
He must remember the letters and symbols with exacting precision.他必须以严格的精度记住每个字母和符号。
The public has been more exacting in its demands as time has passed.随着时间的推移,公众的要求更趋严格。
相关单词:fuss
fuss解释:n.过分关心,过分体贴,大惊小怪,小题大作
fuss例句:
My mother makes a fuss of me every time I come home.我每次回家,母亲总对我体贴备至。
Stop all this fuss and do your homework.别大惊小怪了,去做你的家庭作业吧。
相关单词:perfectly
perfectly解释:adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地
perfectly例句:
The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。