For the past 12 years I’ve avoided talking about one of the most obvious things about me. Something that is literally —well, almost — written on my face. My name is Evie, and I have acne.
过去的12年里，我一直避免谈到我身上最为显眼的一样附属物。那些东西，嗯，就像是被谁放大了镶上画框然后裱在我脸上一样。我叫埃维，我脸上长了一片丘陵。
I decided to break the silence after I read multiple articles on how acne frequently leads to depression, and that this is “often independent of severity”. Despite living with acne, I’d never considered that my low mood over a breakout was something natural, I’d just thought it was how I dealt with it. In fact, acne has a significant, negative psychosocial effect, and we don’t talk about it because pointing out our flaws is the very last thing we want to do.
在接连读了几篇讲述青春痘是如何助力通向抑郁之路（抑郁乃结果，且通常与粉刺的严重程度无关）的文章后，我决定打破沉默，写下本文。虽然和青春痘相依为命了许多年，我却从未因此觉得自己每次长痘时的阴郁心情是合情合理的，我只是天真地以为这便是我处理它们的方式。但事实上，粉刺的确会对我们的心理产生巨大的负面影响。我们不去说它，只是因为不想一次次地揭开伤疤。
Very few people realise what acne means. In all the media I’ve ever been subjected to, there has never been a protagonist with acne. If there is a character with acne at all, it’s an unsympathetic one, who is either submissive, mean, or both. There are no films about an acne-ridden girl who finds that she doesn’t need to be self-conscious but just has to ‘let herself shine’. All other ‘negative’ images are given support; whether you’re overweight, short, tall, nerdy, or even all-out Ugly Betty, there is a role model for you readily available. Because of this, people without acne often throw around the word “spotty” as a synonym for “young”, in a way no other negative attribute ever is.
鲜少有人意识到粉刺到底意味着什么。影视巨星和广告模特都长着一张张与粉刺无关的脸。如果真有谁带着粉刺上镜，那也注定是个不讨喜的角色，不是贫贱卑微就是鄙薄刻毒，抑或二者兼有。从未有一部电影会讲述这样一个故事：一个满脸青春痘的女孩克服自卑，终于意识到自己不必在意别人的目光，而只需要在自己的世界里灿烂绽放。除了粉刺以外，所有其他的负面属性都获得了支持，都能够在影视作品中轻易找到它们的主人，无论是肥胖如桶、矮小如凳、瘦高如杆、呆若木鸡还是集齐所有丑点可以召唤神龙如丑女贝蒂（译者注：电视剧形象）。因此，那些不长痘的人经常会把“满脸痘”作为“年轻”的代名词。普天之下，没有其他哪种令人不愉快的属性能够得享此荣了。
There is no reason ever to be “proud to have acne” — but that doesn’t mean that a disease which affects 70-87% of teenagers and frequently continues into adulthood shouldn’t be talked about , especially amongst a student population that fits neatly into the affected age group. It’s not glamorous — we don’t get to be ‘curvy’, or cute, or intelligent, or strong. Acne is not ‘endearing’.
没有理由为了满脸痘痘而自豪。但这并不意味着这个困扰着70%到87%的青少年、甚至折磨他们至成年期的顽疾不应该得到人们的重视，特别是在它所盛行的学生群体中间。它一无是处——不能让我们变得可爱迷人，也无法让我们更加聪明强壮。这一脸青春之痘，只会徒增忧愁。
This isn’t a polemic, however. I’m mostly just trying to let you that it isn’t trivial - and you’re not weak or weird for letting it get to you. It might sound stupid, but in the same way, as a four year old, I wanted to be blonde and blue-eyed because Cinderella wasn’t Mediterranean, I spent my teenage years believing that anything that’s wrong with you can be overcome - unless you have acne. If a group of girls decided to adopt me into their social group and give me a make-over, it would never be perfect — because I had acne. If I found out I was the heiress to a small country and needed an image revamp, it wouldn’t work- because I had acne. The sudden, unexpected romance with the most popular guy in school would never happen — because no matter how great my body, or my hair, or my style was, I still had acne.
以上实非矫情。我只是想告诉你们，青春痘绝非小事，遭它入侵的你也并不是一个人。虽然听起来很傻，但早在四岁的时候，我还是想象过自己有朝一日会变成拥有一头金色秀发、两汪如潭碧眼的美女子，或早或晚，我会蜕变成仙度瑞拉，而不是地中海女汉子。我用我的青春韶华幻想着我身上所有的不完美终会烟消云散，然而那一脸青春痘却随着青春的长驱直入愈发根深蒂固。如果有一群女孩子决定邀我一同玩耍，并打算为我化个妆时，她们会发现所有心血皆是徒劳——我的一脸痘会告诉你为什么。如果某一天，我解开了身世之谜，发现自己是某个小国的继承人，需要重塑个人形象时，哦，那根本办不到——我的一脸痘会告诉你为什么。那种和全校第一花样美男坠入爱河的校园言情小说桥段从来不会在我的世界里上演，即便我的身材、我的长发、我的个人魅力是多么无懈可击——我的一脸痘会告诉你为什么。
My experience was that I woke up an hour earlier than I needed to, in order to make sure I had time to deal with my face. I wouldn’t go out with friends when they invited me, unless I knew well in advance. I’d convince my mum I was sick so I didn’t have to go to school on bad days. These are all reflected in experiences others have told me as well. In my case, I even developed the beginnings of an eating disorder simply because, if I couldn’t have the perfect face, I’d be damned if I didn’t have the perfect body. Thankfully, I managed to escape that downward spiral early on. I’m sure there are many who didn’t.
于是乎，我的多年经验就是，比正常人早起一个小时，以便能有充足的时间来处理我的面部问题。除非事先被通知，我从不会接受不期而至的邀约。在粉刺严重的时候，我会装病来逃避上学。所有这些经历，青春痘患者们都曾有过。我甚至还得过初期厌食症，只是因为我觉得，如果已经不能拥有一张完美的脸，那我死都要拥有一副完美的身材。感谢上帝，我总算是阻止了这样的恶性循环继续发展，但我坚信有许多遭受相似折磨的同龄人们并没有从这个恐怖的漩涡里走出来。
What I hope to have achieved from this article is to give to others what I gained from the pieces I read - a feeling that this daily annoyance isn’t just mine. That I’m not overreacting. That I’m not - forgive the trite turn of phrase - alone. It scarily confirmed that people are actually staring at my face and judging me but it also reminded me that at the end of the day, it’s not “acne-depression”.
我写作此文的目的正是想向读者们传达我读完那些“通向抑郁症”之流的文章后的感受——我想告诉人们，这种日复一日的痛苦不是我的专属；我并没有反应过激；以及我并不是（请原谅这种陈腐的措辞）一个人在受着煎熬。在人们对着我的面部指点江山的时候，我的确抑郁过；但在一天结束之际，我会告诉自己，这种抑郁与我的痘痘无关。
Acne is a factor, which, like anything else, can lead to depression. Instead of letting it reach that stage, we should just change the first element.
粉刺，和其他任何因素一样，都是抑郁症的诱因。我们要做的，不是放任暂时的阴霾真的变成风暴，而是在云缝间、在自己心底洒上一缕阳光。
